The First Post

Ok, so this is the first post to a hopefully long journey of blogging. I'm nervous (as if I'd never done this before). I remember the day I was very first introduced to online journaling. Not sure of the year (thinking like freshman or sophomore year of highschool), but I was at a good friends house, Cassie is her name. She introduced me to the site Xanga. I remember my first impression was just kind of like "...oooook?" but still decided to give it a whirl. I mean, what's more exciting than journaling about all the secrets you kept from your parents on an internet freeway, and them still not finding out? After a couple of posts I lost interest (as I've done with so many blogs to date), and didn't pick the habit back up until shortly after I graduated Highschool. Since then, it's been an on and off hobby. It seems that I only pick it back up when a lot of stuff gets crammed on my plate and I feel like my brain has information overload. It only seems natural to let that information leave my head and fill the screen I see in front of me. Not only do I rest assure that I will remember everything, but I get a chance to get live feedback from family, friends, and others who just care (or are nosey). So, of course, I naturally wanted to start blogging again because I have that information overload. Toddler, school, husband, army, deployment, mortgage, insurance, bills, worrying, cooking, cleaning, disciplining, playing, mothering, fathering are just some of the words that are clouding my brain. I'm not saying by any means that I don't want all of these words to clutter my brain, because afterall, they are what makes my world turn, but I am saying that it would be nice to clear some space for some words like strong, able, willing, outgoing, fun, exciting, courageous, patient, accepting, confident and like this lists parallel, it goes on and on! I thought about what I would include in this post. Things like

"my husband is getting ready to deploy... AAAAAHHHHHH"

or

"my life is about to turn upside down and inside out!"

or maybe even

"how will I play the father role when my husband leaves?"

Either way, all posts keep falling on the fact that for the second time my husband will be leaving me to join his men in war. "He's leaving" just keeps replaying over and over in my head. I stifle back the tears and show him I'm strong, and this won't phase us. As the wife of a soldier I owe him the faith and confidence that we can and will handle this, but where do the tears go when you don't let them show?